And the Beat Goes on and on and on
by Penmanship
Summary: Well, it's a parody. Making fun of every single stereo-type from season six. Have fun with it.
1. In the time of Buffy

Disclaimer: Everything belongs to his great benevolence Joss Whedon the mighty, and of course, Mutant Enemy. This is a parody, love it or hate it, I will eat your flames for breakfast and enjoy them. This is Season Six, the beginning. Before Evil Willow.  
  
  
  
Enter: The magic box  
  
We see our old friend Xander, lumbering towards us in an extremely doughy fashion. Next to him glides Anya, and although she is dwarfed by the sheer size of her Sex Bunny.., Er, Kitten, we can still make her out, barely. She glides a finger through her blond..ish hair and walks to the cash register.  
  
"Xander, lover, it seems there's many a thing missin' from the dear old Magic Box and we've noticed nothing, how could this be?" She rifles through a large wad of cash, glaring shrewdly around her. Her eyes glaze over as she sees Dawn and her hair stuffing large amounts of jewelry into her pockets. "Anya! LOOK! IM TAKING STUFF! LOOK AT ME!!!" Anya just looks at Xander expectantly, awaiting an answer that will never come. "Anya, I was thinking, we'll be out of peanut butter soon, and the thought that I might not be able to wake up to a nice steaming plate of Peanut Butter and Mayonnaise makes me jittery. A trip to the store is in order." Anya nods as Dawn runs out screaming, yanking at "The Hair That Refused to Die."  
  
(Exit Xander and Anya, enter Buffy and Willow)  
  
Buffy moved slowly to a chair and curled up into it, Willow bounded in, looking almost as perky and dimwitted as she had in her pre-gay pre- addiction days. "So Buffy, I was thinking, maybe if your not to busy we could uh, ya know, talk about how I'm getting over this magic addiction thing. My night sweats and hallucinations are really getting better." Willow then holds up a huge sign that proclaims, in glaring neon pink letters.  
  
"I AM GAY! I AM NO LONGER ADDICTED TO MAGIC WHICH HAS BEEN REPEATEDLY USED AS A BAD DRUG METAPHOR, CONGRATULATE ME!"  
  
Buffy looked forlorn and baleful, shock of the world, as she stared forlornly and balefully up at Willow. "Who are you? Oh, you're not me. Buffy. Well, I'M really glad that you're better ya know, cause it was really starting to bother ME, Buffy. Speaking of ME, BUFFY! I'd just like to say that ever since you yanked me out of heaven I've been depressed. I'M UPSET." She pouted and her sunken eyes began to tear, her wispy body began to shake with sobs, and she may very well have broken her emaciated form if she hadn't been saved, at that moment by-  
  
"Really Really Super (In Bed) Spike and his Amazing Cheekbones!"  
  
He casually entered the room, or sauntered, for "Really Really Super (In Bed) Spike!" does not simply enter a room, he conquers it, and his cheeks bask in their glory. "Buff love, what's wrong? This bloody crazy witch got ya down? I think it's bloomin' well time for this wench to sod off and leave us to our shaggin'." He sat down on the edge of Buffy's chair and.Tilted his head very slightly. and RAISED AN EYEBROW! When he got not no response from Buffy he immediately raised the eyebrow a bit higher and sucked in his cheekbones. Just as his head was about to explode from the force she looked up at him. "Spike. What are you doing here? I hate you!" Her mouth began to water as she stared at him, her hand moving to the front of his shirt. "You're so evil and disgusting, get the hell out of here." She began to pull him onto the chair with her, all the while spewing insults in his ear. "Oh. So I guess I'll go BE GAY somewhere. With no magic or anything. Look, I just walked out the door with no magic, no foolin', all by myself." Willow sighed dejectedly and left the room, maybe she'd go find Tara and trick her into loving her again. "Spike, stop it stop stop stop STOP!." Which in Buffy-speak of course means "GOD YES! THIS IS AMAZING, I'M LOVING EVERY SECOND OF THIS. DON'T EVER EVER STOP." He pulled her off of the chair, and although there was a couch conveniently located right in front of him, he moved her across the room and set her on top of a stool that was balanced on top of a shelf of books. "There we go love, that's right, cor that's good, just like that. Oh bloody hell. Bloody bloody bloody." "Really Really Super (In bed, or on the couch, or in a restaurant, or in a car, or set on top of a stool balanced on top of a shelf of books) Spike!" removed all of Buffy's clothing, really quickly. But he's super, so that's possible, and managed to weave her into a position that nobody on the planet has ever achieved before. Buffy moaned her contradictions, and all was going well in the Buffy-verse when..  
  
In jumped Xander! Or, In jiggled Xander. He conveniently ignored Buffy and Really "Really Super (In bed, or on the couch, or in a restaurant, or in a car, or set on top of a stool balanced on top of a shelf of books) Spike!" shagging away and gasped out "Dawn's hair is loose! Dawn's Hair is LOOSE!" Before falling onto the floor with a thud big enough to knock Buffy and "Really Really Super (In Bed or.) Oh screw it.. Really Good at Giving Buffy Orgasms Spike!" off of their precariously balanced stool and onto the floor. The last thing Buffy heard before knocking her head on "RGaGBO Spike!'s" really hard.head was Anya sighing and saying "Oh Xander, I told you not to run so fast, your heart just isn't what it used to be, things don't work as well muffled under so much flesh."  
  
  
  
TBC... 


	2. Find that Hair!

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Joss owns everything, including my heart. Review and I'll be your bestest friend.  
  
Buffy woke up in the middle of the floor with lots of seemingly distressed people milling about around her. She sat up and realized someone had covered her with a blanket. She glanced at  
  
"Really Really Super (In bed and various places) Spike!"  
  
And a well-placed cock of the eyebrow told her he had done it.  
  
Xander sat on the sofa, with Anya squeezed next to him, Tara and Willow sat next to each other on the ground, lewdly caressing each other. Because when you're a lesbian you have to let everyone around you KNOW that you're a lesbian by spouting sexual innuendoes at your VERY GAY PARTNER.  
  
"Buffy, why are you naked?" Tara said soothingly, between kissing her GAY lover on the mouth.  
  
"Erm. My clothes got wet, Spike brought me new ones." She smiled uneasily.  
  
"Really Really Super (In Bed and Various Places) Spike!" Heard his sexual innuendo cue and jumped in.  
  
"Blimey! Her clothes weren't the only things that were wet I'll tell you that." He brayed, his cheek bones applauding silently. Everyone smiled dazedly at him, not grasping a word. Xander wheezed a bit, and heaved himself into a standing position. "I have some horrible horrible news." He said dramatically, leaning against the couch for support.  
  
"Really Really Super (In Bed and Such) Spike!"  
  
Heard another cue. A be mean to Harris cue "What? Did they run out of pop-tarts at the store?" Then realizing that he hadn't said anything remotely British in that sentence he quickly added "Blimey bloody wanker." Xander glared at him "Why don't you and your accent just go back to Britain." Xander and his belly laughed at their ruthless, cutting wit. "No.Dawn's hair has somehow escaped from her body, and is quickly developing a mind of it's own!" He didn't get the reaction he had hoped for.  
  
"Really Really Super British Spike!"  
  
Was licking his lips in Buffy's direction, and she was all but bucking on the ground. Willow was giggling like a horse as Tara stuttered into her ear, and Anya was examining the back of a Revlon # 54 Dye Bottle. "Didn't anyone here me? DAWN'S HAIR HAS ESCAPED! That hair holds power you people can only dream of." He quickly pulled out an emergency stick of butter, it helped calm his nerves.  
  
Suddenly there was a loud banging on the door, Buffy quickly dressed as Anya let Dawn in. Dawn with no hair. Well, she had some hair to right above her ears. Everyone glanced at her quickly before turning to Buffy. "It seems we have a bit of an issue, that pretty haired girl who lives with me." She snapped her fingers. "Fawn or something.It'll come to me. Anyway. I have reason to believe that hair could be dangerous! Willow, you know what to do! Everyone split up and find that hair!" 


	3. I love the Slayer!

Disclaimer: These characters belong to someone else. You all know who, and I'm just screwing their pathetic lives into the ground with this un'. -Sorry for the shortness, I just NEEDED to update and I didn't have much time.-  
  
Willow and Tara left the room together, headed of course for the All Powerful Laptop that Uses No Magic. Xander clumped after Anya, and Buffy was left with Spike, and a very out of it Dawn.  
  
"Hmm pet, it bloody seems that we're bloomin' alone again. Time for another round?" Spike moved to her. She jumped away. "I hate you Spike, what just happened five minutes ago for the twelfth time? Is NEVER happening again." Buffy stood with her hands on her sharp bony little hips and glared at him. Dawn swayed back and forth, her eyes wide open and unblinking. Her lips were moving but no sounds were coming out.  
  
"Really Really Super Cocky (In more ways than one) Spike!"  
  
Smiled in that condescending way. "I know you bleedin' love me.luv'. I know you do." He swaggered to her and his cheekbones just shrieked silently "Were in! SCORE!" Ahh but how wrong they were. "Get away from me! You're disgusting. This is a working relationship and nothing more. I never want you're evil evil murdering hands on me again. Even if they are really good at manipulating my body into feeling things nobody has ever made me feel before. Like when you do that thing where you." She cut herself off. "I'm going to find that hair! Get out!" She rushed out the door, leaving  
  
"Really Really Super Emotional Spike!"  
  
Writhing on the floor and bellowing "Why do I bloody feel this way? What are these FEELINGS?! It's this bloomin' chip in my noggin, that's why I love the slayer. I LOVE THE SLAYER!" He sobbed into his ever so emotional hands and Dawn continued to sway and mutter. 


	4. The Time of Roger

Disclaimer: My muse died after this, it may be a while. Sadly, the only character I own is Roger.  
  
Xander and Anya were getting nowhere. Xander, our beloved Xander, insisted on stopping at every fast food joint on the way. They sat wedged in a booth at McDonalds only five minutes after Buffy the Almighty had dispatched them. "Xander, sex toy, we're not really getting anywhere. Ever. Now or at home, in bed." She hinted desperately. Her body was begging Xander, but he was having none of it. He began working on his eighth big mac. "You know Anya, do you think maybe something is going on with Buffy and Spike? I know they hate each other and I'm a little worried they may get violent." Clueless clueless Xander just munched away. "Xander, they're fucking. A lot. All over the place." Anya said, deadpan. "Eh? They're what now in the what now?" He stood, "I think I need another coke, back in a minute love bird." He rolled toward the counter and Anya almost yanked out her blonde.Red hair right then and there. So it seems Anya and Xander are out of the game for now. We leave Anya desperately hinting at her sexual starvation, and Xander desperately trying to ward off actual starvation.  
  
Dawn's hair, or Roger as it were, was out prowling the night, enjoying his new found freedom. He smiled as much as hair can smile as he thought about the fate of Sunnyhell. He was free to find a new victim, someone with a brain weak enough to follow his every whim. Dawn certainly didn't have the brain capacity to fight him off, but she had been getting mouthy with him, and he would have none of it. He cackled evilly as he traipsed down the street, he glanced in the window of McDonalds and found her. His new victim. The Time of Roger was drawing near.  
  
  
  
"Willow, my gay lover, I can't seem to work this contraption. Can you help me?" Tara said sweetly. Incredibly sweetly. In fact if you had been in the room you may have vomited. "There are some other things I'd like to "help" you with." Willow grinned lewdly and went to help Tara with her laptop. She sat on Tara's actual lap and began to type, occasionally nuzzling her lover. Suddenly  
  
"Really Really Bad Timing Spike!"  
  
Burst in on what was about to become the gratuitous UPN lesbian sex scene, very unwelcome. "Red, Glinda, I need your bloody help. Blimey! Anya's been possessed by Dawn's Hair!" Willow and Tara immediately sprung into action. "Don't worry. The Lesbians are on the case." Willow said, and they ran out the door. They ran into the magic box, where Buffy was sobbing on the couch next to Dawn, Xander was munching nervously on a jelly donut, and Dawn was still swaying and muttering. "If I, Buffy, were still in heaven, none of this would have happened to ME." Buffy sobbed loudly. "Where's Anya? And what's that hair gonna do?" Tara spewed sugar. And the door was yanked open. "Here I am, and you're about to find out!" Everyone turned to look and gasped at what they saw! 


End file.
